


The Great Soccer Mom Fight of 2015

by kovntag



Category: Funhaus RPF
Genre: Multi, constructive criticism appreciated, kinda matt/adam centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-14
Updated: 2015-05-14
Packaged: 2018-03-30 13:55:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3939340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kovntag/pseuds/kovntag
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Adam is a soccer mom and the boys are split between stopping him or backing him up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Great Soccer Mom Fight of 2015

**Author's Note:**

> Hello~ They have a daughter in this fic (can't be a soccer mom without a kid) and I couldn't help but name her Lily. 
> 
> Just fuckin pick up your wife. Do it.

When Adam Kovic was angry, he was a force to be reckoned with. 

But, to Adam's boyfriends' dismay, so were all of the other parents of the local third-grade soccer team. 

It was a beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky. The air was hot, much hotter than it usually was, which made a lot of the adults attending the game irritable and rude. They were all in that dreaded "my-kid-is-best" mindset, not talking to any of their fellow parents but instead staring them down. 

The game was the last of the year. The home team (the team that a certain little girl was on) had made it to the state league championships. Tensions were high as they faced off against their rivals. The soccer moms were more riled up than usual, competing amongst themselves to see who was the best. The stands were filled with various baked goods, fruits, and juices, all better than the last. If you were to ask any of the six men surrounding Adam, they would describe these preppy parents (and Adam) as "savages." 

The referee blew the whistle to begin the game and the ball was kicked to the opposing team's side. They managed to immediately kick it back to the home team's half of the field, running it down and kicking it directly into the goal.

"Really?!" Adam cried out. "Our defense is WAY better then their offense. We need to step it up."

"Adam, they're a bunch of eight year olds. Let them play!" Bruce replied from his position next to James. Adam grumbled in response, rolling his eyes.

The game was getting exciting, and they watched as their child came into possession of the ball. Half of the people in the hot metal stands held their breath as she bolted down the field, completely bypassed the defense and scored a goal on the opposing team. Adam, James, Joel, Matt, Bruce, Sean, and Lawrence all stood up and clapped like only seven grown men bursting with fatherly pride could. They were side-eyed by the parents of the kids on the opposing team (as well as some of the home team), but they didn't care one bit. The stands rattled and the kids on the field blushed as red as their uniforms.

"Thanks, dads!" Lily yelled into the crowd as the cheering men all sat down. She was thankful that her parents were so supportive of her, no matter how loud they were. She turned around and ran back to her team as the coach called for a time out and the referee blew the whistle.

"She's doing so good!" Adam gushed to Lawrence and James, who were sitting on either side of him. They both grinned, Lawrence wrapping an arm around the overly-excited Adam's shoulders.

"She's not that good," one of the mothers from the neighboring town butted in, leaning over Adam's shoulder. "She's only scored one goal. My son has scored three so far. I think it's all of the private lessons we've had him take. Maybe you should invest."

Matt flinched. "Christ," he whispered. When it came to times like this, he seemed to be the only rational mind. The others wouldn't encourage him, but they certainly wouldn't hold Adam back if they felt he was right. He turned around from his position in front of Adam and watched as the his usually loving boyfriend's smile dropped and his eyes darkened.

Adam looked at the woman, quietly seething with anger. He quickly regained his composure, which was slightly terrifying to the surrounding men. They knew what was about to go down, as shown by Sean's frantic glancing around the group. They all braced themselves, James grabbing Bruce's hand, who in turn grabbed Joel's. Lawrence was unable to do anything but grimace at Matt and watch Sean nervously stare at the metal surface under his feet.

Adam smiled and noticed the tray of brownies that sat next to his new arch-nemesis. "Helen, thank you for your input. Could I grab a brownie? If you don't mind, of course."

Helen was surprised at the lack of hostility, but took Adam up on his request. She grabbed the tin tray of her famous "homemade" brownies. As she raised her arms to offer them, she noticed the six uneasy men standing around the smiling Adam in front of her. Helen caught Matt's eye and he took the opportunity to shake his head, warning her of the danger she was about to get into. Helen took no heed of this warning. Even thought she hated these people with every shred of her being, she would blow them the fuck away with her brownies. 

Adam reached for a brownie, hoping that he looked natural enough to carry out his plan. He assumed he did, he was an experienced pseudo-soccer mom with no chill. At the last second before he touched the frosting of the unsuspecting baked goods, he slammed the flimsy tin into the stands below. Metal against metal sounded, the resounding clang starling everyone nearby. 

"Fight me, Helen," Adam hissed through his teeth.

"Excuse me?" Came the shocked reply.

"Fight. Me. Helen."

"What did you just say to my wife?" A man with slicked-back hair and a sweater vest interjected.

"She insulted my daughter! I have the right to challenge Helen to a fight, don't I? Or has this country finally fallen completely into the ground?" 

Matt looked on at the spectacle with caution. He watched as James, Bruce, and Lawrence all shifted closer to Adam, glaring at the opposing couple. A few of the more aggressive mothers got up and took a stance next to Helen. Helen's husband, seeing how strong and tall the men in front of him were, backed off slightly. 

"Hey babe, if you're going to get into a fight, can we at least get off the stands? I don't want you to get hurt." Adam looked over at his smallest boyfriend, snapping out of his rage-induced trance. Matt knew that they all loved their daughter unconditionally, but a fight in the middle of a crowd between a passionate dad and a suburban soccer mom with a bob haircut was not the right way to protect her. The group made their way down the metal benches, stopping occasionally to purposely bump into one another and hiss insults under their breath. They all stopped after they had gotten behind the sitting area and into the shade it produced.

"Thank God, I thought we were all going to roast before anything actually happened," Joel mumbled. He was standing off to the side with Peake and Sean, the only other sane ones in this situation.

Everyone watched with baited breath as Adam and Helen squared off. As they moved toward each other, Sean realized the hilarity of their predicament. He grinned and giggled until his hat almost fell off, stopping only when one of Helen's friends gave him a look that could kill.

"Do you want to repeat what you said about my daughter before I reenact what happened to those brownies of yours?" Adam growled at the woman in front of him.

"She doesn't have to answer to the likes of you people!" yelled Helen's quite supportive husband from twenty feet away.

"Go to Hell, Richard!" Bruce promptly answered. Richard's only response was to back up another few steps.

Helen smirked and crosses her arms before answering. "I only said that you should invest in private lessons for her. Lord knows she hasn't improved in the three years she's been in this league! By the way, those weren't the only brownies I made. There's two more tins in the car, and unless you have the keys to my minivan, I doubt you can mess with those."

"Fuck you and fuck your Betty Crocker brownies, Helen!" James retaliated. Lawrence nodded furiously in support, hoping that James's comment would hit home.

It did.

A gasp tore through through the small crowd. Helen bristled at the harsh accusation.

"How dare you; I make everything myself!"

Off to the side, Joel cocked his head, then perked up and cupped his hands around his mouth. "Did you make that outfit yourself, too?" he shouted at Helen.

Only after he was met with fifteen blank stares did Joel realize how bad his comeback was. "It sounded better in my head," he whispered softly to the short man next to him. Peake was only able to pat his embarrassed boyfriend on the back and kiss his cheek.

Just then, Sean looked over his shoulder to see two men in police uniforms approaching them. He tried to warn everybody. "Hey, guys, the uh- the secu-"

"Do you know how hard Lily worked for her spot on this team? We trained for weeks with her!"

"You're just jealous because my son is so much better! He was born talented and we've only made him better with the best coach we could afford!"

One of Helen's fellow bob-clad, minivan-driving moms tried to get a word in. "Now I think we all know that Helen is right here, so why don't we jus-"

"Stay out of this, Sharon! Or do you want everyone to know about your little FarmVille addiction?" Lawrence questioned, coming to his Adam's defense. He looked away, but Joel noticed the holes Sharon was staring into Lawrence's head.

Sean tried harder to alert the group of the police standing to the side of the field, tapping Matt on the shoulder and pointing behind them. Peake told Joel in a hushed voice, then all three converged to come up with a plan. Under all of the shouting going on, they were able to formulate one. Joel, being the most likeable of the three, sauntered his way over to Richard, who had gotten even further away from what was going on. He introduced himself, then told the oh-so-brave dad their plan and how they were going to execute it. Richard nodded and Joel strolled back to Matt and Sean.

There was a break in the hostility between Helen and Adam, and Matt gave the signal to carry out the plan. A quick wave to Richard brought him over and the four men came in between the fighting parents. Bruce, James, and Lawrence all looked on confusedly as Richard picked up his smaller wife and carried her away. Adam started to storm after them, feet stomping in the grass under him, but was stopped by three endearingly cute men. They all looked at each other and latched on to Adam, arms around him in a strong embrace that made it impossible to follow Helen and her crew. Joel looked at Adam from his position in front of him and pecked him on the lips with a quick kiss. Adam craned his neck to catch another glimpse of Helen being carried away by her husband, anger in his eyes, before giving in to the affection being presented to him. He rested his forehead against Joel's, whispering a quiet "Thank you" to him.

"Don't thank me, thank Matt and Sean. They were the guys who came up with this dumb plan, I just helped them hug you."

"I was really angry there, guys. I just don't want Lily to be hurt."

"We don't either, but fighting isn't going to set a good example," Matt said from Adam's left. "We don't want her picking fights with middle-aged soccer moms left and right, do we?"

Everyone chuckled. "I guess not. Thanks again. And thanks to you losers for not talking some sense into me!" Adam said to Lawrence, Bruce,  
and James. "It's like you guys wanted me to fight a lady who drives a minivan!"

"She had it coming," Lawrence grumbled.

"She really did," James agreed.

"Soccer moms are weird, aren't they?" Bruce questioned.

"Well, considering I just went completely ballistic at our daughter's game, yeah. We are weird, and really mean too! You all need to stop me sooner next year."

"Done," Matt said. "I think the game finished, we should go grab Lily and get some celebratory dinner."

"That sounds nice," Adam said. He gave Matt a kiss to the top of the head, the shorter man giving a little smile. They all walked toward the soccer field, stopping only to talk to the guards and give them an excuse as to why they were all gathered behind the bleachers. Once everything was cleared up, the group strolled onto the field where the team was resting after their apparently successful game. They grabbed Lily's hand and left, the girl skipping along at the prospect of dessert.


End file.
